The follow-up conversation wasn't quite what I'd expected. Sure the moon was full and beautiful in a clear sky and I had my questions ready. I let the dogs off their leads to run around, I looked up and asked,'So is this what I should do?'...silence. 'Um...so...what should I do next?'...silence.
So I shut up and listened. Not for answers, but for - with respect - what Sister Moon actually wanted to say. It went, as they say, a little bit like this:
Me: I'm sorry, what?
SM: Let me in. Shut up, open up, and let me shine through you for a moment.
So I did. And in a split second the following dialogue had happened:
SM: What exactly do you want to know?
Me: How someone like me can do what I'm feeling I should do.
SM: "Someone like you"?
Me: Well, here I am, freezing my bits off in a field and not happy about it; cross with the dogs because they won't get on and do what they're supposed to be doing; crabby with my child because she only wants to eat crappy food; living in a house full of mud and ash and dust and fur and piles of laundry and paper and general chaos; trying to be all serene'n'shit and failing miserably; tearing my hair out over money; and just wanting to sit in front of the telly with wine and cake to watch something escapist, preferably starring David Tennant.
SM: Your point is?
Me: My point is that I'm thinking about going 'full-on hedgewitch' and frankly I don't see how the hell I can do it. I'm a mess. My life's chaotic. I'm not exactly a role model for anything except perhaps Dreamers Anonymous.
SM: And yet here you are standing in a field talking to me. What do you expect? What makes you think all those things aren't part of it? What makes you think you're special and the only person who was ever called to do anything who has alternative demands on their time? Get over yourself and just be who you are. YOU ARE ALREADY DOING IT. And please stop with the labels and the team shirts and the definitions. When did that ever matter to you? When did you ever intuit or learn that giving something a label made it work better? Also? Forget being a role model. This is not about what you represent, it's about what you do. Let me through. Surrender. You are safe. You are exactly where I need you to be. And stop analysing this. You have no concept of who and what this is because you are human. Humans are wonderful and this world needs them to be their most wonderful, now more than ever. The laundry and the muddy floors and the fur and the moods...human. Please don't try to change that. To be human is to be chaotic and messy because what else would this degree of creativity bring with it? We need your creativity, your dreams and your crazy. Also your opposable thumbs.
SM: Oh at LAST. Are we good?
SM: Good. Okay then. Off you go. We love you.