Spirals



Y'know that thing? That thing where you have nothing at all to say and you have way, waaaaaay too much?

That.

There's this huge, enormous, land magic thing that's going on with me but I don't feel I can write about it because it's crazy talk. Only it's true. Perhaps not meant to be written about. Yet.

There's musing on daughter-hood and what it means to me as someone who has always felt responsible for (and expected to be) fulfilling a large part of the role my own mother should take in my extended family.

There's a handful of health issues among that extended family that are taking up big parts of my heart.

There's the integration of Digby, our new four-legged family member, which is going spectacularly well and fascinates me more than it does anyone else so I'll just shut up. And fill my Instagram feed with dog photos.

There's SPRING! #sunshine #plants #flowers #gardening #rebirth #new beginnings.

There's day-to-day, happy, family life and deep gratitude for it.

There's just so. much. stuff. And yet I seem to be sitting in the middle of it, just observing the quiet tornado, not really engaging with any of it for any length of time. It's weird.

It's my birthday this weekend and while I doubt very much that anything other than a normal weekend will happen, that Return To The Start vibe...the completion and the beginning again...oh it'll probably just give me a whole new lot of things to think on as I sit amid the spiraling trees, dogs, pills, flowers, text messages, dreams, laundry, crows, and the strangest feeling that I am being pulled by some invisible magnet towards something I cannot yet imagine.


x













16 comments:

  1. Thank you - YES! I need to hand out to everyone in my circle the link to this and say "what she says."

    You choosing the word "spirals" ... okay, my train of thought (which I too know I should probably keep quiet) is this ... I had a prenatal student tell me that during labor, at one point all she could do was circle her head in an exercise we used to do in class. Imagine you have a crayon at the tip of your nose and draw spirals with it, looping small, then big, inwards and outwards. Spirals! She said she could see by her husband's face he was concerned she had snapped but she could not talk, all she could do (was compelled to do) was move her head in that manner.

    This is where I feel I am ... in some threshold/transition phase ... as David Whyte would point out, having no words yet for the experience and in fact to try to name it would be to limit it and the possibilities.

    So, happy to sit with you in this space. Excited to hear when you DO have the words ... especially about the land ... I think we all are circling or migrating towards a deeper call (so grateful for the links I find via you and Mel) and as I live in the least wild of places, I learn from folks like you a little closer to that space. Oh, and thank you for my regular Instagram fix of doggy love. If only my boy would inhabit more scenic spots than just his towel draped bed! xo

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    1. Yes yes yes and yes, as usual Lis. Equally happy to share this space with you. x

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  2. *sigh*

    there's deep comfort in these words for me....as i drift further and further away from the thick of things, deeper into the threshold places in which i'm most content.

    no words. nope. none whatsoever. not even trying anymore.

    big love to you, miz Jo. xoxo

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    1. The no words thing is frustrating me. I love not having to SAY words, but I do love to write them. And they're just not there. It's definitely time for me to shut up and listen : )
      x

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  3. Sometimes I think that we are wisest
    Where we know the least
    Strongest when we sink in grief
    Or rise in joyous sparks
    Most able when we cease to try
    And simply lie unresisting in the stream
    Of all that is,
    Just sitting with it in the quiet dark
    Where we hatch our souls.

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  4. the happiest of birthday wishes to you! as it often seems the case, i'm in a similar place and can relate to what you say here.

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    1. Thank you. And yes, it seems quite a widespread condition right now! x

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  5. wishing you the happiest of happy birthdays! many blessings for peace and love.

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  6. Happy, happy birthday, either to come, or past. I'm not sure as your posts don't have dates on them.

    Yes, something is there, just past the peripheral vision, biding its time. So glad to find that, once again, this is a group thing as well as an extremely personal or individual thing. It feels like a lovely thing to be grounded and a witness to so much that is growing, flowing, Spring-ing. Oh, and more dog pics - always more dog pics! :)

    x

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    1. To come : ) Thank you.

      It IS a group thing isn't it? And that makes me feel courageous. x

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  7. Yup. What you said, but with cats. Sunshine and blessings on circling the sun once more. ��

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    1. Thank you : ) Still not dizzy even after all these years. x

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  8. many happy birthday wishes to you Jo. I understand so well at the moment, the nothing to say, yet there is so much there.

    I saw a beautiful raven this morning, and it looked at me, and for some reason, quite randomly, you popped into my head. So I'm sending you Raven blessings for your day of birth.

    "It is said that people who carry Raven medicine also carry a heavy responsibility to Spirit. It as if these people have come into this Earth walk in order to help others break through old paradigms and belief systems into a new, more expanded awareness of reality".
    xx

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  9. What a wonderful gift! Thank you : ) I feel honoured, truly. xx

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Thank you, I love it when we talk.