A different kind of cloud

When it's misty here, the sloping paddock opposite the cottage takes on a magical air. The stream running along the bottom means a thick mist there that rolls along like a fallen cloud running to play in the adjoining woods. A few weeks ago, the day I wrote this post, it was one of those early mornings. The mist was thick - from the far side of the paddock our cottage is about 300 feet away and I couldn't see it, couldn't even see the other side of the field - so I let the dogs off their leads and watched the cloud as they ran off to explore.

This day it wasn't heading for woods, along the stream, hugging the trees. This day it was rolling up the slope towards me, at quite a speed. I wondered what would happen if I walked into it, because I felt as if hands were pushing me to do just that. Would the density of the water droplets mean that it was only visible from a distance? Would it disappear up close? I took a few steps forward and met it halfway. Still visible. Still dense.

I stood, wrapped in cloud, and listening seemed to be the only thing to do. Nothing. But I didn't feel alone. I could feel 'something' there with me.

What are you? Who are you?


Are you the Spirit of this place? The Spirit of water?

We are before spirit.

What does that mean?

It means we are before spirit.

Who is 'we'?


Are you 'good' or 'bad'?

We are neither and both. We are maybe. We may be.

Not helping. I have to say, I feel very uncomfortable. I feel as if you are bad.

We are not.

Well then are you good? Are you, like, Source? So, sort of, like, 'Love'? Because this doesn't feel good.

We are not. We are before those things.

I don't understand.

We are everything and we are nothing. We are everything before it becomes anything. 

Like building blocks?

Perhaps. We are unchosen intention. We are potential decisions. We are anything.

Why are you talking to me?

We aren't. You are hearing us.

This is beginning to piss me off.


Okay. So. How do you work? Does Spirit use you? Can we access you?

Everything uses us, often without knowing. Every choice moves us into form; both the chosen thing and the unchosen thing become 'real'. And if nothing actively chooses a form for us, we move with the flow. You can access us always. With us you can create anything. Listen...anything. What is your biggest, most beautiful dream? Because with our help there is no reason you cannot make it happen. Just tell us what it is. But be aware, the place where you do not make it happen becomes real too. You must choose to follow the path to creation.

I still don't really get what or who you are? Humour me, give me a name I can relate to...talk to. Please?

If you need a name you can call us numen. We are made of potential, of possibility, of infinite combination. And we are always here and everywhere.

This is when Digby came bounding up for a biscuit and this bizarre conversation ended. I wondered what the heck a numen is. I knew the word numinous but didn't really know its root. To be honest it was conjuring up images of Gru's Minions so I got home and Googled it.

Well, well, well.

Seriously. I didn't know the word. And I definitely heard the singular, not plural, version. Something tells me they would say they are one and many.

Naturally, since then the conversation has been on a loop in my head. I've been loathe to write about it because looneytunes. But it's not going away and every word is true. This last week I've had reason to think about my biggest, most beautiful dream and believe that I can follow the path to its creation. But that's a whole nother post.

In the meantime, keep an ear open for the numen. You'll know it/them by the yellow skin and the dungarees.


A good day

My day? Up with the Sun, meditate with the cat, make my morning offerings. Have a chat with the Spirits. Read, have coffee, and then into the shop to plan the day's work. Design something! Make something! Mail something!
First meal at around 11 or noon, then (in the cold seasons) take the house dogs out to go see the chickens and the chicken dogs. In the summer this happens first thing or it’s too damn hot! Do some work outside gardening or such if the weather and insects allow. Then back to the shop until it is time to make dinner. Post dinner is usually a movie with my wife.
It would probably be incredibly boring for many — we live a fairly reclusive, very quiet life. I am very happy if I don’t have to leave our immediate area more than once a month. I love it!
Aidan Wachter 

I read the above as part of an interview with Aidan (whose work speaks straight to my heart) and instantly thought,'Oh...except for the cat and the wife (substitute dogs and de facto husband), this is the day I dream of.'

And it's not really so different to many of mine. It did me a lot of good to see something I aspire to, written down so simply. So within reach. My brain has been overloaded recently with a search for absolutely unnecessary definition and I think a degree of that has been down to my immersion in social media. Especially Instagram. I do love Instagram. There is nothing wrong with social media, I just have a tendency to go too deep and become a little obsessive about All The Pretties. Or All The Pit Bulls because OBSESSED.

So I took Instagram and Twitter off my phone. I used the Chrome app, BlockSite to block them, Facebook, and a certain UK-based newspaper gossip rag on my laptop and work PC. I was horrified by how hard the first day without them was. I mean, really? Have I come to this?

The plan is to continue for the week and then consider adding Instagram back to the mix. My Twitter feed is 99% dogs up for re-homing and frankly I doubt I'm making much difference there, so I think I'll keep it purely for automated Instagram and blog notifications. Facebook, ditto because I hate Facebook and can't even remember why I reactivated it.

I'm also surprised at how strange and uncomfortable it initially felt not to be posting photos and tweets through out the day. Turns out my 'I find it difficult to put ANYthing out in the world' post may have had a good dose of bullshit in it because look at me..itching to share!

I'm no Off Grid Woman, I love tech. I just need to be responsible with it and with a lot of other things that I've let slide. A strong SAD reaction this seasonal changeover has left me reeling, not quite sure where I am or what the hell month it is, never mind the day. My body is all out of kilter but I know exactly how to heal it and that...is a whole other post.

Tomorrow is my day off work. School runs and torrential rain aside, I'm going to try to factor in as much of this ideal day as I can. I hope you have a good one too.