A different kind of cloud



When it's misty here, the sloping paddock opposite the cottage takes on a magical air. The stream running along the bottom means a thick mist there that rolls along like a fallen cloud running to play in the adjoining woods. A few weeks ago, the day I wrote this post, it was one of those early mornings. The mist was thick - from the far side of the paddock our cottage is about 300 feet away and I couldn't see it, couldn't even see the other side of the field - so I let the dogs off their leads and watched the cloud as they ran off to explore.

This day it wasn't heading for woods, along the stream, hugging the trees. This day it was rolling up the slope towards me, at quite a speed. I wondered what would happen if I walked into it, because I felt as if hands were pushing me to do just that. Would the density of the water droplets mean that it was only visible from a distance? Would it disappear up close? I took a few steps forward and met it halfway. Still visible. Still dense.

I stood, wrapped in cloud, and listening seemed to be the only thing to do. Nothing. But I didn't feel alone. I could feel 'something' there with me.

What are you? Who are you?

(Silence)

Are you the Spirit of this place? The Spirit of water?

We are before spirit.

What does that mean?

It means we are before spirit.

Who is 'we'?

(Silence)

Are you 'good' or 'bad'?

We are neither and both. We are maybe. We may be.

Not helping. I have to say, I feel very uncomfortable. I feel as if you are bad.

We are not.

Well then are you good? Are you, like, Source? So, sort of, like, 'Love'? Because this doesn't feel good.

We are not. We are before those things.

I don't understand.

We are everything and we are nothing. We are everything before it becomes anything. 

Like building blocks?

Perhaps. We are unchosen intention. We are potential decisions. We are anything.

Why are you talking to me?

We aren't. You are hearing us.

This is beginning to piss me off.

(Silence)

Okay. So. How do you work? Does Spirit use you? Can we access you?

Everything uses us, often without knowing. Every choice moves us into form; both the chosen thing and the unchosen thing become 'real'. And if nothing actively chooses a form for us, we move with the flow. You can access us always. With us you can create anything. Listen...anything. What is your biggest, most beautiful dream? Because with our help there is no reason you cannot make it happen. Just tell us what it is. But be aware, the place where you do not make it happen becomes real too. You must choose to follow the path to creation.

I still don't really get what or who you are? Humour me, give me a name I can relate to...talk to. Please?

If you need a name you can call us numen. We are made of potential, of possibility, of infinite combination. And we are always here and everywhere.

This is when Digby came bounding up for a biscuit and this bizarre conversation ended. I wondered what the heck a numen is. I knew the word numinous but didn't really know its root. To be honest it was conjuring up images of Gru's Minions so I got home and Googled it.

Well, well, well.

Seriously. I didn't know the word. And I definitely heard the singular, not plural, version. Something tells me they would say they are one and many.

Naturally, since then the conversation has been on a loop in my head. I've been loathe to write about it because looneytunes. But it's not going away and every word is true. This last week I've had reason to think about my biggest, most beautiful dream and believe that I can follow the path to its creation. But that's a whole nother post.

In the meantime, keep an ear open for the numen. You'll know it/them by the yellow skin and the dungarees.

x





13 comments:

  1. Interesting. When I have these sort of conversations, I tend to place it as coming from my unconscious but actually I'm not sure it matters who/what/where it is from, what matters is that we listen and respect it. I started praying recently, after reading Nimue Brown's book on the subject.

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    1. Exactly. I think, why would our unconscious be locked down? Why would it not be open to all sorts of things in all sorts of ways, many of which we can't rationalise? Sometimes these conversations sound like me (I still pay attention) and sometimes they feel completely 'other'. This was the latter.

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    2. I also meant to say that if I really embrace the concept of Oneness then it's all just self-awareness anyway : )

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    3. Ha, that's a very good point :) Have loved reading the comments on this blog post. Has really got me thinking about my rational and spiritual sides, and what holds me back from being at peace with the magic

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  2. *shivers of recognition*

    how very beautiful. yet why should not our spirits recognize themselves in a mist, in stars, in a deer's eye?

    or, more cogently, why should we have been led to believe that they would not? we have lost something our ancestors clearly had...reclaiming it on a large scale may be the re-making of this world.

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  3. The Numen sounds like an 80s rave band..... This post is awesome. You know i'm okay with these sort of conversations :) xxx

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    1. I swear I was swinging between Minions and Gary Numan, circa Cars! Not exactly what you expect from a conversation with mist. Ha! xx

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  4. I love this deep magic of this. And I love your comment, "if I really embrace the concept of Oneness then it's all just self-awareness anyway." I personally don't believe conversations like this come from the unconscious. But then, I live in a country still shifting and whispering with its old spirits, and where road building projects are diverted to honour the dwelling space of earth dragons. Have you seen Elizabeth Gilbert's talk on the muse, the daemon? I'm not a big fan of her writing, but I love this talk.

    Far from thinking your experience loony tunes, I think it's craziness that more people don't experience the spirit of places, and connect at some level with their energy, and acknowledge the reality of it.

    Your photograph is beautiful.

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    1. Thank you Sarah. Yes I have seen that talk and loved it. I'm not a big fan of her writing either but I do like her (and I'll admit to be intrigued by her next book).

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  5. Reading this post gave me chills. Not just once, but throughout its entirety. I'm going to have to read it again. The truth of it hit me, and I swear I felt I was there in the mist beside you.

    Nothing loony about it, to me anyway. Only recognition and a reminder to listen deeply. Extraordinary, and valuable.

    And everything about your land makes me ache. x

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    1. Thank you. I think the suspension of disbelief can open our hearts to extraordinary conversations. I know that you know that ; ) x

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  6. you know, i read your posts like this and then have to go away and sit down for a bit. to calm my nerves, you see. {imagine my hand-flapping, hyperventilatory state of excitement and recognition.}

    nope, nothing loony here as far as i can tell.

    i read a post the other day, from a lovely woman who happens to believe that creative energy [or whatever you want to call it] has no divine origins....that when she paints, it's just her. i have to admit that broke my heart a bit because i believe just the opposite -- that, in the spirit of Oneness -- we're all tapping into the same, swirling, glorious, cosmic soup....anyway, that might be off-topic, but i think it speaks to the extreme possibility inherent in deep listening and open-heartedness.

    i personally have a daemon...who's a bit of a bastard, but that's a whole 'nother story. :)

    thank you for this....it's given me a much-needed prod in the arse. which is to say, a stern reminder.

    xoxox

    ps. interestingly, i kept reading "numen" as "rumen" -- which is vaguely related to a divine internvention, in a digestive-soup, percolatory sort of way.....[reaching,i know}

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Thank you, I love it when we talk.